so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
