brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
