So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Bring me that man meat
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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