found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
