rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
