I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
