piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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