can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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