I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
