I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am available for nakedness
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
