I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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