I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
