Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
