today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
