Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
