people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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