the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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