Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
