I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
