My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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