Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
