just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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