last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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