Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
