GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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