I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize