My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
