I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
