I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
