Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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