Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
