Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
