pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
