I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
