It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
