She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
