New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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