I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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