And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
