Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
