OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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