This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
