Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
