went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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