I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
