There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
