you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
