guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
