he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
