I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
can u get pink eye on your cock?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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