if only i could text you this smell
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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