It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
