hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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