he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
