omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
