At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You are a genius and a whore.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
