Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
