We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
