dude i'm inner monologue high
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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