literally had 100 drinks last night.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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